Rumbling and Grumbling

Went to see BRUNO on opening day. Laughed my ass off. I don't know if I thought it was funnier than BORAT, but I think Sacha Baron Cohen put himself into some even more fucked up situations in this one. I applaud. My fave parts were the karate lesson, the "look into my eyes" bit at the swinger's party, the Straight Dave crowd scenes, and the singing dick. Some people seem to have gotten highly offended by the singing dick (same ones who had a problem with seeing Dr. Manhattan's big, blue cock during The Watchmen, I'll assume). I don't get it. I'm definitely one of the last people anyone would point a finger at and shout "politically correct," but all the same, I don't understand why it's O.K. to show all the tits and bush you want so long as a dick is nowhere to be seen? It's just a dick. I happen to be very enamored of my own. Hell, I'm for all kinds of nudity on the local movie screen: chicks, dudes, chicks with dicks, dudes with tits, you name it. I like to think of it as a sign of freedom. The more dicks on your screen, the more free we are as a society. And, of course, you're free to not watch it if you really are silly enough to get offended at the sight of a penis on your screen. Just for the record - seeing a big, singing cock stretched out on an enormous screen at the multi-plex will NOT make you gay. However, it might make you laugh if you'd get that stick out of your ass.

Oh yeah. Saw the previews for Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN 2 while I was there. I was less than amazed by the first one, and this one doesn't look much more promising. It has nothing to do with this being a "remake of a classic." Hollywood has always devoured its own with the remake machine, and the original Halloween film is readily available for enjoyment at any time; it wasn't erased or altered when they "re-imagined" it. I just think Zombie's talents would serve him better on something a bit more original. Then again, towards the end of the trailer there are a few bits that look like they could be outtakes from House of 1000 Corpses, leaving one to wonder just how deep this well of originality runs. I'd still be far more interested in seeing his Tyrannosaurus Rex than I am in another wasted trip to Haddonfield, especially one in which Sheri Moon is apparently appearing as a ghost. Note to Zombie: toss out the Tim Burton rule of filmmaking that states you should ALWAYS create a part for your wife/girlfriend. It doesn't always work for him, and his wife can actually act.

Sat through one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time the other night.
The Haunting In Connecticut is an amalgam of the two worst sub-genres of film I can think of: kids with cancer and bullshit ghost stories. This ghost story is so vapid that they have to rely on the kid with cancer subplot to make people feel guilty about turning it off. A supposedly true story? This guy really had cancer, but the whole ghost thing seems little more than a third-rate attempt to cash in on the fact that these people were living in a funeral home. Why not? Those assholes up in Amityville made a national spectacle out of the same stupid crap a decade before. It's kind of like the shams perpetuated by televangelists and faith healers. One gets caught in the act, while another gives the public just enough time to get a little hazy on the details of the former fraudster's downfall before polishing up the same old song and dance and trotting it out yet again. Ghost stories are rarely scary - ones that are this poorly cobbled together never are.

And while I'm mumbling and grumbling, what's up with the Sci-Fi Channel changing their moniker to SyFy? What am I missing (besides another building block in the dumbing down of America)? I was told that the whole name change had to do with having a "brand name" that could actually be trademarked and controlled with absolute authority (you can't really stop everybody else in the world from using the pre-existing "Sci-Fi" label). It will also apparently stop confusion as to whether something with the "Sci-Fi" tag is actually a product of this enterntainment entity. There never was any confusion - you could look at one of their movies and tell within five minutes that it was a Sci-Fi Channel production. Now, you'll know it not only by the shitty production values, scripts, and actors, but also by the just-as-shitty "SyFy"handle. Lovely.

Enough rumbling and grumbling for now. Remember kiddies: haunted house movies blow (even harder when a kid with cancer is integral to the story), but big, singing dicks are the future of, not only American cinema, but American freedom.